S. ATIRE WEEKLY NEWS MAR 6TH – Cake Sale Kerfuffle

Welcome to the second weekly news digest for South Atire, the quaint English village in the heart of Wales. This weekly round up will give you all of the local information that you need:

– There were upsetting scenes at last week’s S.Atire Cake Sale. Polite cake consumption descended into scenes reminiscent of a less tolerant foreign land when a fist fight broke out just after 2pm.

Local resident, eye-witness and general cake enthusiast Mrs P S Handwringer said “It was awful, I’ve never seen anything like it. And the language! Well it was like pudding in a barrel”.

The reason for the kerfuffle is unclear, but that will not stop us spreading rumours locally. Our sources say that Mrs JaRule’s award-winning Bara Brith was accidentally knocked onto the floor which then started the unsavoury scenes (which were much like the unsavoury cakes). No injuries were reported but several St John’s Ambulance workers responded to the scene.

A deeply offended resident pictured using a banana in self defence

– The newly opened Carwyn Jones Primary School will be holding a colouring competition for its new logo shortly, parents and pupils alike are asked to take part. Full information will be posted on their website, Instagram feed and Snapchat this Friday.

This follows the success of the anti-smoking colouring competition held earlier this year, won by John Jones, aged 47, who is now a governor at the school. His winning entry is below:


– A White Collar Boxing night is being arranged by Gwyneth Parry of Bucharest View. Local business men and women are invited to don boxing gloves all in the name of fundraising; with the profits going to the South Atire Ape, Donkey, Badger and Cat Sanctuary (SAADBCS).

The headline bout has already been announced, with popular local businessman Mr Ian Capitalism facing off against sandwich van millionaire Mr Ronald Ramblington.

Interested parties should contact Gwyneth for further information: sxcgwyneth@hotmail.com.

Local Businessman Mr R Ramblington pictured with his second cousin Betty Biscuits.


– Dr Congo’s surgery hours this week will be:

  • 9.00-16.45 Monday
  • CLOSED Tuesday (for essential staff training)
  • OPEN Wednesday (for essential staff training)
  • 07.44-09.10 Thursday
  • 10.00-19.99 Friday

We will be bringing you an interview with Cllr T Fulophcrap in next week’s news round up! 

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