Welcome to the second weekly news digest for South Atire, the quaint English village in the heart of Wales. This weekly round up will give you all of the local information that you need:
– There were upsetting scenes at last week’s S.Atire Cake Sale. Polite cake consumption descended into scenes reminiscent of a less tolerant foreign land when a fist fight broke out just after 2pm.
Local resident, eye-witness and general cake enthusiast Mrs P S Handwringer said “It was awful, I’ve never seen anything like it. And the language! Well it was like pudding in a barrel”.
The reason for the kerfuffle is unclear, but that will not stop us spreading rumours locally. Our sources say that Mrs JaRule’s award-winning Bara Brith was accidentally knocked onto the floor which then started the unsavoury scenes (which were much like the unsavoury cakes). No injuries were reported but several St John’s Ambulance workers responded to the scene.
– The newly opened Carwyn Jones Primary School will be holding a colouring competition for its new logo shortly, parents and pupils alike are asked to take part. Full information will be posted on their website, Instagram feed and Snapchat this Friday.
This follows the success of the anti-smoking colouring competition held earlier this year, won by John Jones, aged 47, who is now a governor at the school. His winning entry is below:
– A White Collar Boxing night is being arranged by Gwyneth Parry of Bucharest View. Local business men and women are invited to don boxing gloves all in the name of fundraising; with the profits going to the South Atire Ape, Donkey, Badger and Cat Sanctuary (SAADBCS).
The headline bout has already been announced, with popular local businessman Mr Ian Capitalism facing off against sandwich van millionaire Mr Ronald Ramblington.
Interested parties should contact Gwyneth for further information: firstname.lastname@example.org.
– Dr Congo’s surgery hours this week will be:
CLOSED Tuesday (for essential staff training)
OPEN Wednesday (for essential staff training)
We will be bringing you an interview with Cllr T Fulophcrap in next week’s news round up!
Welcome to the new weekly news digest for South Atire, a quaint English village in the heart of Wales. This weekly round up will give you all of the local information that you need:
– The village bake sale starts this Thursday at 2pm in the village hall. Villagers are encouraged to join the village to feast their eyes upon the various delicacies from the women of the village. Cakes will be available from 25p-£74.99, all proceeds go to the village’s magic circle.
– S.Atire police seek assistance from the public in relation to a number of public order offences. Youths have been seen congregating in the local park with a ball shaped object, outraged residents also reported “noise” and flailing of arms. If anyone has any information then please contact the local police station.
– Brexit reassurance has been given by local councillor Terry Fulophcrap. Concerned local residents have inundated the council offices with several queries about the process and the impact on S.Atire, queries included the availability of Gołąbki, Pomana porcului, and baked beans.
Mr Fulophcrap said “I really can’t see a problem, Phil’s Phish Shop will still sell all of those things so don’t worry about it. I prefer Rissoles myself”.
Thanks councillor for your reassuring words.
– The 2017 S.Atire and surrounding area Jobs Fair will take place in the Town Hall this Wednesday afternoon. Mrs Z Jones from the “Gotta Eat Em All” bakery is sponsoring the event, and is kindly donating a free mini corned beef pasty to all entrants. Job seekers can expect up to twenty jobs to be available with exciting jobs including Store Assistant, Head Chef, High Chief, Chief Chef and Trainee GP.
– Dr Congo’s surgery hours will be:
Please note that the surgery is closed between Tuesday and Friday for essential maintenance.
Dean Ambrose, AJ Styles, The Miz, Bray Wyatt and Baron Corbin (I don’t know why either) joined THE CHAMP John Cena to do battle in this year’s Elimination Chamber. The dark metal structure, almost as terrifying as JBL’s commentary, has benefited from some great spots over the years. The adverts for this year’s PPV reminded me of a sinister Running Man-style gameshow, and the matches before the Chamber didn’t disappoint (see the bottom of this page for full results).
Cena started the match with the Phenomenal One AJ Styles. Some nice spots opened the bout – including a sunset flip power bomb from Cena, and a Lex Luger-style torture rack from Styles.
The Lunatic Fringe was next to join Cena and Styles in the Chamber. Ambrose went straight after Cena as Styles recovered, and hit Cena with some big shots onto the metalwork. A big spot saw Styles land back-first onto the floor of the Chamber, followed by Ambrose leaping off a pod to take Cena out with an elbow.
The crowd really livened up with Ambrose’s spots after a slower, more technical start by Cena and Styles, Cena helped continue the momentum with a two-man german suplex by the superman. A chorus of Let’s go Cena/Cena sucks accompanied the action with the crowd really into the fight.
Wyatt entered next in his first Chamber match and cleaned house with various spots. Styles and Cena started climbing the Chamber walls for no apparent reason, until Cena was beaten off (behave you!) by Styles who then climbed onto a pod with Ambrose to battle it out.
There was a spectacular powerbomb/suplex combo involving Ambrose, Wyatt and Styles, which ended in Styles being dumped in a pretty unforgiving fashion. The Lone Wolf – Baron Corbin then joined the match and went straight after Ambrose, bashing his skull against the chainlink walls.
The Miz was the last to enter the match and was reluctant to leave the pod with Corbin staring him out as both men stood still. Ambrose took advantage and snuck up behind Corbin as this took place, Ambrose rolled Corbin up with a schoolboy to eliminate him from the match.
Baron Corbin – eliminated
Corbin stayed in the ring and beat Ambrose like a government mule, sending him directly through a pod (which looked brutal) and raking his face again on the chainlink fencing. He then hit his finisher on Ambrose and had the pleasure of several referees pleading with him to leave. As Corbin slowly walked out of the structure, The Miz eventually left his pod and went straight to pin Ambrose, immediately eliminating him after Corbin’s beatdown.
Dean Ambrose – eliminated
The freshest guy in the ring (it’s a bit like the realest guy in the room), The Miz, hit lots of different spots on each remaining entrant, including a skullcrushing finale on Wyatt on the outside of the ring. The Miz was on a real roll until he literally walked straight into a Cena AA, he was then pinned and eliminated.
The Miz – eliminated
Wyatt and Styles teamed up to take out Cena, though it didn’t take long for Cena to hulk up and take out the remaining two. He then hit them with a double five – I guess ten – knuckle shuffle and gave a complimentary AA to Wyatt. Styles reversed the AA that was coming his way and hit a sublime Styles Clash, which only got a two count.
With Wyatt lying low, Styles went for the Phenomenal Forearm but got hit by an AA (in a similar way to how Miz got eliminated), Cena went for the pin and got about a 2.8 before Styles kicked out. Cena then hit the heights by climbing up to a pod and taking out both Wyatt and Styles with a big splash, not something you see too often from the 16-time Champion.
As all men started to come round, Wyatt hit Cena with a Sister Abigail from nowhere, a quick pin saw the 1-2-3, and with Cena’s elimination we were guaranteed a new champion.
Wyatt and Styles began to fight it out with some great spots. Styles had now been in the match for over 30 minutes but was still full of energy. One of my personal favourite parts of offence saw Wyatt deal with Styles’ quick kicks and blows with a seriously big clothesline lariat. We then saw a very evenly matched back and forth with each man looking for the big prize – Styles for the second time and Bray for the first. Styles hit the 450 splash (hurting his ribs in the process), he went for the pin and got close to a three count but Bray managed to kick out.
After some more evenly matched offence, Styles popped up onto the ropes to hit a Phenomenal Forearm but jumped straight into the Sister Abigail, Wyatt hit the devastating finisher, and ladies and gents – we have a new Champion!
AJ Styles – Eliminated
Bray Wyatt – Winner
Orton came out to the ramp looking quite intimidating with his hood up, he stared Wyatt down with the obligatory Wrestlemania sign in the background (don’t forget to point at it lads!). The PPV finished with the question posed by the commentator “Does this mean Bray Wyatt will face Randy Orton for the Championship at Wrestlemania?” well yes of course it does dummy!
I’m delighted for Wyatt. His character is one of the most interesting on the roster, and you only need to see the ‘fireflies’ to understand how over Wyatt is. I was at the WWE Live show in Manchester in November last year, and the roof nearly came off the place as he entered the arena. I think the Championship can only add to the interest in his character and it’s nice to see a new face in the mix.
It will be interesting to see what happens with the Wyatt Family now that Orton has beaten Harper, and Wyatt will face Orton at Mania (unless something stupid happens in the meantime). I like the Wyatt stable and it would be a shame to see them split, but Wyatt is strong alone and I think that everyone expected Orton to split from the family at some point (I mean the guy hasn’t even grown a decent beard, where is his commitment?). Is this when it happens?
The Chamber match was a pretty good one. Some big spots and spectacular moves came from business really picking up once everyone got into the Chamber (after an initially slow start), this gave a good build and ultimate crescendo to the match. Pretty solid show, good job WWE!
Mojo Rawley defeated Curt Hawkins (kickoff match)
Becky Lynch defeated Mickie James
Kalisto & Apollo Crews defeated Dolph Ziggler (2 on 1 handicap)
American Alpha win Tag Team Turmoil
Nikki Bella and Natalya ends in double count out
Randy Orton defeated Luke Harper
Naomi defeated Alex Bliss – new Smackdown Women’s Champion
You can watch the Elimination Chamber on the WWE Network.
What did you think of the show? Are you happy with the new Champion Bray Wyatt? What happens next for the Wyatt Family?
I’m a big whisky fan, with bourbon and single malt generally being the go-go choices for me after a hard week, day or morning.
I don’t profess to know a lot about whiskey other than ‘I knows what I like’ and my rule of thumb is to generally go for a (single malt) whisky older than my eldest child; as you would expect, this is now starting to become expensive as he enters his teen years.
So when the King of style David Beckham (an unofficial title I believe) helped to launch a new stylish whiskey brand, I wanted to give it a go. Haig Club – a single grain scotch whisky (different to single malt) launched with some swish advertising, great branding, and of course Becks upping the cool stakes as a partner in the venture.
I got my hands on a bottle of Haig Club Clubman this week. Clubman is matured in bourbon casks and is known for being quite sweet as a result, here are my thoughts:
Very smooth, light sweet taste
Vanilla / custard tones, it’s like diving into a giant watered down custard alcohol bath in a Scrooge McDuck style
Easy to drink with coke or straight with ice, it’s great with a mixer in particular (I normally drink whiskey straight but I find this better with a mixer)
I really enjoyed the Clubman, it’s a stylish addition to the drinks cabinet (Damn you Beckham) and is an easy drink.
The Clubman won’t be to everyone’s taste due to the sweetness (it does have a bourbon taste, but very light in colour and certainly doesn’t taste as strong as many of the whiskys on the market), and because of the Becks link; but I liked it and would recommend you give it a whirl.
It’s a good alternative with coke to Jack Daniels, though it is sweeter and not a bourbon. There are some whisky cocktail recipes here, let me know what you think of it!
I’ve been an iPhone fanboy since launch, the iPhone totally revolutionised the mobile market, and took us from keys and small screens (and of course polyphonic ringtones!) and moved us to a world of touchscreens, pinching to zoom and apps. Without iPhone, smartphones would not be what they are today.
iPhone created the standard, and for years I religiously upgraded as the newest iPhone was released. The story of Apple is a pretty amazing one, and for a company to reinvent itself and lead markets in computing, mobile and music at different times is not the norm. I’m also always interested in the Steve Jobs story, and how he became involved in the success of Pixar during his time off from Apple, the company that he founded and then sacked him, before Apple came back for a prodigal son-style return (worth looking up if you don’t know about it).
After moving through the original iPhone to the iPhone 6S on almost every incarnation I started to yearn for a change. The grass was looking greener, I was being tempted by something new.
It’s not just one thing in all honesty, it was a combination – each of the more recent models were pretty much the same. Yes the camera was slightly better, or the handset had a new iOS feature, but for me it didn’t mean a different experience in any big way. It meant that I was spending a significant amount of money on a regular basis but maintaining the same user experience.
I decided it was time for a change, and I decided that Android would be the way to go (and is the only real sensible alternative at the moment), I had my heart set on the one handset that would take me away from iPhone, the shining light in a world of handsets that look very similar, a handset that would be perfect for me and my usage – the Samsung Note 7.
Unfortunately my dream went up in flames.
After a little deliberation I decided to go with the Samsung S7 Edge, I renewed my contract with EE and managed to reduce my monthly contract amount by more than £10 whilst not having to contribute to the phone cost, and also got free Samsung VR Gear kit (more on that another time). Comparative cost on iPhone would have been an upfront cost of £50+ and a slight increase on my monthly contract.
The S7 Edge arrived (in gold, yes I know but it does look amazing!) and I was really impressed with the build quality. Previous Samsung handsets that I had used felt very plastic and cheap, this feels like a serious bit of kit, and the screen is stunning. Very bright and clear, and a better resolution that what I was used to.
The handset was easy to set up with my Google account, and I then looked at all of my iPhone apps and downloaded them all from the Google Play store. The handset came with a nifty device which let me plug my iPhone into it, though this didnt work initially and instead I synced the device to my iTunes account which worked perfectly and my new handset then downloaded my contacts, calendar entries and similar bits. I was really impressed with this!
I have had the handset for a couple of months and I am really impressed. It is quick, looks great (lots of people seem to love the screen) and I haven’t had any issues of note (no pun) so far.
The apps are pretty much the same as the iPhone versions and are easy to use, from my perspective I have found that the camera is a lot better (or at least the images look better) and I am loving the fact I can access more of the phone. This is the nature of Android as iPhone effectively locks down elements and prevents too much personalisation, as well as file categories or similar. I’m not knocking Apple, this was fine for me for the last nine years or so, but it’s nice to have a change.
The Edge element of the screen is a little gimmicky, I dont use it in any particular way but it can be used for shortcuts to apps or contacts by swiping from the edge (see what they did there) of the screen. It does give a nice full viewing experience on the phone though and has a real wow factor when compared to other handsets.
Another thing that I am pleased about is that I can use third party devices more effectively, particularly power banks and chargers. In my experience, iPhones have not been compatible with power banks and certainly not many third party chargers (meaning pricey new Apple chargers every few months), but the S7 Edge includes a micro USB charger slot which is pretty standard for most devices these days.
The handset also has Fast Charge meaning I can charge the handset from flat to full within about an hour or so, this is a real god send when a last minute night out is arranged!
Handsets are subjective, some people will love them and some will hate, some intrinsically hate Apple and some are the total opposite. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, it is about what suits you at the time, and at the moment this S7 Edge really suits me – good job Samsung.
And yes, I used an M People song name in my title for this post.
No more Apple chargers!
App store is full of a lot of junk/fake apps!
I accidentally touch the edge of the screen which is annoying as it sometimes moves me to a different app, think this is an issue with my fat hands more than the handset though.
Um, haven’t really got a third.
Have you made the move, maybe you have gone from Android to iOS? Let me know which one you prefer!
What a strange 48 hours in the life of an England fan and football fan in general.
After a lifetime of working towards the ‘big job’, the unglamorous no-nonsense manager with a reputation for getting the job done, even in an ugly way if necessary, finally gets that job of a lifetime – the biggest job in British football – but the job that lasted only 67 days.
Thanks to the work of journalists from The Telegraph, Sam was filmed speaking about various delights including how to get around player ownership rules, derogatory terms about his predecessor and a potential £400,000 deal which would see him address investors in the non-existent company setup to buy players.
Newspaper headlines are consistent in damning Allardyce’s actions and underlining the fact that there really was only one outcome which would follow this news – Sam Allardyce simply had to leave the job of England manager.
Interestingly him leaving was a mutual decision, one which is said to pocket him a further £1m. An option to the FA would have been a gross misconduct investigation and hearing, and a potential dismissal to follow (with no compensation) if they felt it was the right thing to do. This takes time however and I guess the FA wanted a quick and clean break.
The reaction I have been surprised with however is the slightly vitriolic ramblings of fans on social media, Twitter especially. When newspapers, journalists and others have tweeted about the subject, they have been greeted with a barrage of words like “grass” and “snakes” and pointing out that he had been “set up” by newspapers (there were swear words thrown in but you get the idea).
What is the motivation here though?
Why are people quick to protect someone that there have been suspicions and allegations around for some time, and now, in the premier position in English football, he brings shame to the country’s game; happy to advise on how to get around rules, and happy to take £400k, even before a ball was kicked by his new team. How naive for a 61 year old man who has been in the game for a lifetime.
For me this is a victory for journalism. The great work done by The Telegraph about Sam and allegedly a number of other Managers will hopefully help to clean up the game which has gathered so many outside influences.
Where does the money come from?
Well in addition to the corporate sponsorship money, you! Yes you Mr honest football fan who is defending poor old Sam for being set up – remember when you complain that football tickets are so much more expensive in England than in Germany or than they were 10 years ago? Remember when you complain every year that your Sky subscription increases every single year? All of this revenue (especially the latter) goes directly into the bidding for football rights, and injects yet more money into the game.
It is pretty standard and accepted for footballers (often average squad players) to earn over £100,000 per week and it creates a bubble which takes the upper league footballers even further away from the fans who are having to scrimp and save to pay for their ticket that week.
I would like to think that this could prompt some sort of clean up of the game, but I’m really not sure if that will happen. The industry is so big (and I haven’t even mentioned the influx of rich foreign owners or the alleged corruption at FIFA’s level) that I fear it is beyond change.
How do you view the Sam situation? Is he a victim of headline-chasing reporters, or is this a victory for journalism?
I’ve been fortunate to do some work on other websites in recent months, it’s a great way for me to share my rambles with a wider audience, and also to write on more specialist subjects.
The first that I wanted to share was for Opinion Panel. This is a busy site with a few hundred thousand students engaged daily in giving feedback and opinion on different articles and subjects. I wrote about the forthcoming PlayStation VR launch (that I am still really excited about!) and how it could be a gamechanger for home gaming in general.
You can read more about the article and why I think that this launch will be so significant by clicking here.
It is THAT time of the month again! WrestleCrate UK have surpassed my expectations again by delivering a few days quicker than I expected (I only had the dispatch email yesterday), and I just so happened to be in the house when my friendly (that is meant to be ironic) postman knocked with this month’s goodies, saving me one of those annoying visits to the post office because of my undersized letterbox (not a metaphor).
So here goes, it’s unboxing time! As with my first WrestleCrate last month, I have gone for the Standard crate, the Ultimate crate does have some more items included and I am toying with an upgrade soon.
So what do I see once I split that crate open – well firstly a nice bright red t-shirt, something Progress related (I am still rocking the t-shirt given last month) and some other goodies, let’s get stuck in…
The first thing I see hidden underneath the t-shirt (which I will come back to) is one of a number of exclusive coasters that WrestleCrate are producing. A well produced tribute to the curb stomp, perfect for any coffee table and maybe a nice talking point with your great aunt this Christmas when she rests her weak cup of tea on top of it.
Next is an exclusive DVD collaboration between Progress and WrestleCrate.
I absolutely loved last month’s t-shirt which was very similar to the cover on this DVD. It’s great to see a strong partnership between a British wrestling company that is building a significant reputation, and the premier wrestling crate company (obvs).
The DVD has five matches including a Sumerian Death Squad open title challenge, as well as matches from Will Ospreay and Zack Sabre Jr amongst others.
As well as the strong style reputation, I really like the design and style of Progress in general – I am looking forward to the exclusive item in the next crate!
The next item I picked out of the cardboard wonder has immediately become my 8 year old’s favourite item ever. He absolutely loves stickers and this Ultimate Sticker Collection from the WWE is packed with them as the title would suggest.
It’s a really well produced book and really fun as my son keeps telling me. I may stick a few in tonight when he’s in bed, it’ll be like going back to those Panini football books when I would spend hours searching for the correct number and space to stick on footballers faces that I had never heard of.
Okay it’s t-shirt time, and what better t-shirt than one that nods to the King of Strong Style – everyone’s favourite lunatic, NXT Champion Shinsuke Nakamura. The logo looks great and it is another well produced t-shirt from WrestleCrate.
It’s autograph time! Last month I received a signed print from Mr Ass himself, Billy Gunn. This month I have two autographs, the first is from Jack Gallagher – someone who has really impressed me with his work in the WWE Cruiserweight Classic tournament. This classic British gent (with top notch ‘tache and everything) has some real mat skills and was a really interesting addition to the tournament, so much so that he has now been confirmed as someone who will be a part of Raw’s Cruiserweight division going forward.
The second autograph is is a little bonus from HT Drake, the tough northern professional wrestler who has a great gimmick (as a gimmick killer). As with the Progress items, it is great to see British indie wrestling again getting some promotion. Whilst the majority of my viewing is WWE related, I want to support British promotions and wrestlers wherever I can, and I think that WrestleCrate’s promotions will help spread the word.
So another great month for those guys and gals at WrestleCrate – I’m really pleased with this month’s items (as is my son who is still obsessing about the stickers). What did you think of this month?
P.S. I may need to get the Ultimate crate next month!
Many of you, I would expect the majority, are now wondering what the hell I am talking about. Some of you though have just smiled, some of you (hopefully the same ones that smiled) are thinking of a large man in polka dot clothing.
Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Okay, strap yourself in, I’m taking you on an eclectic musical journey.
The man in question is obviously The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes! Dusty, a legend of the Wrestling world, sadly passed away last year and it was listening to the lyrics of his song that prompted me to write this blog. But first, let me get the elephant in the room out of the way (or at least acknowledge him and his large trunk):
Yes I watch wrestling, usually with my two sons. I loved watching the product when I was younger, and was a huge fan of WCW and the WWF. Sure I know it’s pre-determined and pre-planned, but so is the vast majority of Television that you watch. I have an appreciation for the athletics and risk-taking involved, and the stories entertain me. If you’re not a fan maybe you should look away now, if you are however read on good sir (or madam).
Wrestling music is great isn’t it – it becomes synonymous with the wrestler – and as soon as you hear the start of that song, you know who is heading down that ramp. The glass break of Stone Cold’s theme, or “Do you smell what The Rock is cookin’?”, will make any crowd go crazy!
Listening to Dusty’s theme made me think about the lyrics of the theme songs, I dont know why but the lyrics in Dusty’s song just make me laugh. They are a little odd aren’t they, as well as the lines at the start of this article (which I guess are pretty self explanatory), my favourite part is:
If you are black or white
Redneck funky that’s alright
Blew up on out of soul
Call the man he’s got his goal
Some of the theme songs from the 1980’s and 1990’s were great as well, and they do a pretty good job of capturing the essence of the character involved (or is that just by association). Here are some of my favourites, along with my favourite part of the theme:
Money money money moneyyy
Everybody’s got a price
Everybody’s gonna pay
You think you can tell us what to do?
You think you can tell us what to wear?
You think that you’re better?
Well, you’d better get ready Bow to the masters
BREAK IT DOWN!
Don’t rule out WWE in the present day however, here are some corkers, and some more slightly unusual ones:
You can see the garden
But you can’t come in the house, babe
You’re getting all excited, when you need to say come
Yes really! Any ideas who this is? Nikki Bella.
Who could forget Billy Gunn, most famously of the New Age Outlaws. Well old Billy seemingly loved a nice backside, earning his nickname of Mr Ass. This is a snippet of the Dylanesque lyrics used:
So many asses, so little time
Only a tight one, can stop me on a dime
I’m a lover, of every kind
The best surprises always sneak up from behind
I’m an ass man
Another which drives me crazy is John Cena’s. Yes I know he’s not the most popular amongst the Internet Wrestling Community at the best of times, but his theme is awful! It is obviously a throwback to his time as a rapper (remember that? I try to forget):
Your time is up, my time is now
You can’t see me, my time is now
It’s the franchise, boy I’m shinin’ now
You can’t see me, my time is now!
It’s the repetition that drives me crazy, that’s right, it drives me crazy that repeition! If there’s one thing that grinds my gears it’s repetition.
His theme doesn’t get much better I’m afraid:
In case you forgot or fell off I’m still hot – knock your shell off
My money stack fat plus I can’t turn the swell off
The franchise, doin’ big bid’ness, I live this
I struggle to turn my swell off as well John.
What are your favourite wrestling themes? What are the themes that make you smile, or maybe make you question what the writers were drinking when it was made?